Mr. Speaker, I cannot say too much about divorce but I can sure say a lot about marriage, having been in a relationship for probably longer than anyone in the House. Therefore I know a great deal about it.
As an educator for well over 40 years, I know a great deal about the harm from what I have seen on children's faces. I know firsthand what divorce does to the family. For over 50 years I have watched families disintegrate because of divorce.
We have people in the House who have been justifying such things as pornography. In all my working years in the profession I have never seen one child emerge from a sexual situation who has not been harmed, and yet we have people in the House who think that as long as it does not harm the child it is all right.
I cannot believe that the same thing is happening here. There is a correlation in that. The time for divorce is during the courtship. I expect most divorces do get started there. I am not saying that divorces are not part of society, they are, but what should never be part of society is to have a bill that pits one of the parents against the other. That is what the bill would do.
I have seen people go through a divorce where they lose a farm over the haggling as to who gets what. I have seen grandparents denied the right to see their own grandchildren. On more occasions than I would have liked, I saw kids who came to school and I knew very well what had happened at home. They could not learn as well and were upset. What we need is a bill that gives protection to the children.
If we have a mother who loves her children and a father who loves his children, they surely will put aside their individual differences in favour of the children and, in doing so, they will see all the benefits the children could get through shared parenting. We do not see that.
I have really seen a lot of the idea that when the court brings down the decision the father must contribute x amount of dollars. In the constituency where I live there is an oil patch. Sometimes the fathers are on big salaries and sometimes they have very little. The court orders that one father must pay x amount of dollars but then there is a drop in the activity and the father goes unemployed for a period of time. He cannot meet the payments for his children and wife and he has no recourse.
Now we hear a whole lot about deadbeat dads. There are no more deadbeat dads out there than there are deadbeat moms. I think we should quit using that expression. I personally know of three young men who destroyed themselves because they had no money left to live on because they were tied down to the court. They could never live and try to make the payments and had no place to go. I think we have to review this.
There was a time 20 or 25 years ago when a mother was always right and the father was always wrong. It still leans that way. For the sake of the kids, we need a better arrangement. Child custody arrangements are made in the court. These arrangements should have some humanitarian end results. That is not happening. We have nothing but an adversarial approach.
Recently a young father came into my office. He said that he had a right to see his children. However the only time he saw them was on weekends or to look after them while the ex-wife was doing something else. He said that he was unable to get to know them and that they really did not want to see him because they did not know him, even though it was shared custody.
There is no working arrangement. This whole thing is not working. This winner take all approach in the courts has to come to an end.
Children never gain in a divorce unless both parents can set aside their differences, put the kids above themselves and make life as pleasant as possible for them. That does not take place. Unfortunately, if we go into a classroom, we will see the troubles that the kids are having, even in grades 5 and 6. They are so psychologically disturbed because one or the other or both parents have put themselves ahead of the kids because they want to be the winner. Parents should make the kids the winners. They should let them grow up as closely as possible. Kids need some order. They need love. That can be passed from the father and the mother even though they are apart. Children cannot live properly without love.
Adolf Hitler was going to have a superior race of children. He was going to raise them in a very proper way, in a proper environment. They grew up total misfits because they lacked what children need and children deserve, and that is love.
The bill does not deal with maintaining meaningful relationships or acting in the best interests of the children. We are wrong again in this field.
Sometimes grandmas, who have had more experience, are needed in the worst way but oftentimes they are not appreciated. I have a grandfather who continues to phone my office. He is broken-hearted because he cannot see the grandchildren. That is not right. Mothers who deny children the right to see their own grandfathers are putting themselves ahead of their children.
After all the years of trying to deal and cope with this, surely after the court has made a decision, there must be some easier way for the adversaries to come together, for the sake of the children. This could be led by one or both grandparents before a family counsellor. Then maybe we would be on the right path. I do not think we are now. This is totally adversarial. I do not think it will be any better and millions of children will be hurt by this type of arrangement.