Good morning
My name is Kim Jones and I live in London, Ontario. I am the proud mother of two amazing, beautiful, little girls, ages nine and seven, and both of them were adopted from China.
Adoption and adoption issues are subjects I'm very passionate about. I've been volunteering my time helping couples and families navigate the adoption and post-adoption system for the past six years. I'm the post-adoption coordinator for the Children's Bridge China program in southwestern Ontario, and an Ontario parent liaison for the Adoption Council of Canada.
In 2004 I began, and have continued to run, a monthly support group for parents who have adopted. I see the concerns, issues, and challenges that adoptive Canadian families are facing. Many adopted children cope with a range of issues, including grief, loss, anger, post-traumatic stress disorder, trauma, and learning disabilities. They come from situations of abuse and neglect and often the loss of their culture and their identity.
The families who adopt these children continue to need help advocating for them in the school system in coping with the behaviours that many of these issues generate. Pre-adoption training and post-adoption support and continued training are critical to ensuring that adoptions succeed and that children flourish in their adoptive families.
In January 2008 the Ontario ministry did make PRIDE training--that is, Parent Resources for Information, Development, and Education--mandatory for all prospective adoptive couples. This training is to be completed in order to get a home study approval and to proceed with an adoption plan. The federal government should look into this program and consider making it available right across Canada. PRIDE training is designed to teach knowledge and skills to help individuals become better foster and adoptive parents.
I am a parent co-trainer involved with this training in London. I believe that this education is helping couples enter into their adoption journey with eyes wide open.
Education is power, and now more than ever, these soon-to-be parents are more prepared to anticipate, prevent, and seek assistance for any bumps that might arise. The training is a wonderful opportunity for couples to network with others who are also adopting. Because there are no organized post-adoption services provided in Canada, these couples really lean on and learn from one another through the adoption process and definitely post-adoption. I am constantly trying to connect people who have had like experiences, so that they can turn to one another for help and advice when it is needed.
The downside of the training is that the model for PRIDE was developed in the United States. There's absolutely no Canadian content in it. Our participants who are taking the PRIDE training constantly ask us why all the film clips are about U.S. adoption services. They wonder why Canada has not made its own training model. We need an updated Canadian version of PRIDE training that contains a training manual chock full of Canadian post-adoption resources available right across the country.
The biggest major obstacle facing parents is where to find help. Post-adoption services are hard to find in Canada. Unlike the United States, most child welfare agencies do not provide formal post-adoption support. Parents themselves typically bear the burden of locating services. It would be really great if there were a centralized place or a government website where families could go for information or support when issues arise.
Grief and loss issues are part of adoption. Children with a background of abandonment, neglect, and abuse have challenges to overcome. And yet families who adopt these children are the least likely to confide in their social workers when problems arise. Adoptive parents may sometimes fear being judged too harshly or feel like they've failed as parents. Rather than seeking help, they continue to struggle on their own.
I have had couples tell me that others have come up to them and made comments to them like “What did you expect?”, or “This was somebody else's problem that you took on”. If there were a specific place families knew where they could go to find resources and qualified therapists who deal with adoption issues in their area, it would be a huge step forward in this country.
I know parents who have asked family doctors questions about behaviours and health issues exhibited by their adopted children, only to feel that their concerns were marginalized. Fetal alcohol spectrum disorder, or FASD, is a common problem for families with adopted children to cope with. Many families struggle with their child's unexplained behaviours for years before they finally receive a diagnosis of FASD.
Attachment issues are a real concern with children who are not adopted as infants. More research on attachment is needed in Canada. Pediatricians and other professionals need to be educated about the differences between attachment formation in adopted versus non-adopted children.
I have seen families who have really struggled and cannot understand why their child is acting out. Struggling families need help. Perhaps the funding of future training for parent leaders to run pre- and post-adoption support groups should be considered.
The Adoption Council of Canada offered training for parents a couple of years ago. The training was educational and informative. Most importantly, it brought parents together to brainstorm about problems that many of us have experienced. We identified some of the issues, and we discussed ways to assist families facing some real challenges.
This sort of training is invaluable to parents who are trying to help make a difference by setting up support groups in their communities. I know I really appreciated the support and the educational materials that I received. I frequently refer to the training tool kit that I received at that training, and I share it with others.
We need more parent-to-parent leadership and mentorship in this country. Unfortunately, the one-time funding that the ACC received to help launch this program was not enough for them to continue with their efforts right across Canada.
Parent support groups and parent education, on issues of critical importance to children and youth, are vital to ensuring that these permanent placements continue and that the children do not end up returning to the child welfare system.