Thank you for your kind invitation for me to participate in this important discussion relating to strengthening the protection of women in our immigration system. I’m humbled to be invited. As a result of my own personal experience with violence, I have become an advocate for those who, like me, have been the target of domestic violence.
As a result of my experience, I have authored a book entitled Black and Blue Sari that chronicles my marriage to a man who routinely and viciously abused, tortured, and threatened me throughout our 12 years of marriage. In the book I describe the harrowing details that unfolded, from the day I was married to a supposedly respectful, warm, and charming man, until the day our marriage ended. I was violently raped by him on our honeymoon night. From the wedding night onward, I was subjected to emotional, physical, sexual, and financial abuse that occurred several times per week, and he even attempted to murder me several times.
As a result of his beatings and his rage, I now live in constant pain with an artificial jaw, having had 10 jaw surgeries. I am literally scarred for life, and despite my husband’s violent death some years ago, I am still haunted from the flashbacks of those horrific beatings. I am a single mom of four grown children and also a very proud grandmother of a handsome grandson and a beautiful granddaughter.
One of the reasons I share my story publicly is to help stop this epidemic that is well hidden behind closed doors. Some people have asked me, because this domestic violence and abuse is so epidemic, what difference can one woman make by speaking out against abuse? I often answer their question by using the following illustration from he story of the boy and the starfish.
A man walking along a deserted beach noticed a boy kept bending down, picking up something and throwing it back into the water. That boy was picking up starfish that had been washed up on the beach, and one at a time, he was throwing them back into the water. The man said to the boy, “You can't possibly make a difference.” The boy bent down to pick up another starfish, smiling as he threw it back into the sea. He replied, “I made a huge difference to that one!”
In a similar fashion to that little boy in the story, I want to try my best to make a difference for those who have been subjected to domestic violence, even if it is one at a time. If we work together we can make a positive difference, just like this committee is doing today, and I applaud your effort.
As you can appreciate, it is very difficult to measure the true extent of domestic violence against women, as most incidents of domestic violence and sexual assault go unreported. Let me shed some light on this important subject.
Violence against women directly affects not only the victims, their children, their families and friends, but also their employers and co-workers. There can be far-reaching financial, social, health, and psychological consequences as well. Domestic violence occurs on a continuum and is a never-ending cycle, beginning with emotional and verbal abuse and sadly, in many cases, just like mine, with serious injuries and even murder.
For women of any culture who are trapped by low self-esteem, by the lack of skills or knowledge to be self-supporting, and by the fear of retaliation, an escape from a violent partner can be problematic. Most of our ethnic communities are close-knit, and a lot of pressure is exerted on the woman to remain with her husband regardless of the circumstances. Unfortunately, many immigrant women may also be abused by other family members when the extended family lives together.
Fear of deportation also plays a role in keeping the sponsored women in violent relationships. Due to their lack of information about the new domestic violence provisions, the sponsored women have very little idea of what their rights are. Their violent husbands often take advantage of this ignorance, using threats and false information to control the wives’ behaviour and stop them from leaving.
In many South Asian cultures, immigrant women are socialized to believe that they have no rights. They are threatened to believe that they may even lose custody of their children. Marriage is considered to be permanent in many cultures, even though it's slowly changing. We are supposed to stay silent and remain married no matter what.
Domestic violence can create a feeling of shame or embarrassment among the women that can drive the abusive behaviours underground. No one wants to admit that they live in an abusive environment. Another factor in recognizing domestic violence is the isolation. It prevents the woman from getting out and getting the proper help that she needs.
Some of my recommendations to the committee would be to provide more and ongoing information to these immigrant women about their legal, their financial rights, and issues surrounding abuse before and during their entry to Canada. We should ensure that these women will not be deported or face deportation if they call the police or the appropriate authorities on their abusers because most of these women live with threats that their abusers will revoke the sponsorship.
We should also provide them with materials that explain where the victims can go for help in their own language and with the current phone numbers. If at all possible, any record of violence should be checked, especially when there has been at least one prior sponsorship and such information should be relayed to the women in an initial interview.
We should provide relevant information to ensure that women will not face any deportation because of a marriage breakdown. From what I've heard there's proposed legislation for a two-year period that causes fear among a lot of these sponsored women that they may be sent back.
My final recommendation is to conduct a mandatory follow-up or evaluation by either an immigration officer or an agency to ensure that women are getting the necessary care by their sponsor. The evaluation should also monitor her progress in Canada; my suggestion would be every six months or annually.
In conclusion, I just want to say that abuse is a violation of a person's human rights, of women's rights, and ultimately, a violation for all. I have hoped that through my story you will be disturbed enough, affected enough, and enraged enough to join me in making positive steps towards ending domestic violence. I am committed to putting an end to all forms of violence against women and children. My desire is to see men and women come together to confront all such violations.
If we don't take the steps to confront this violence it is my fear that the violence will increase. It is my sense that many abused women have lost hope and they feel that there is no future. I believe that we need to take some initial steps to ensure that there are plans in place to change the current paradigm.
I thank you all for inviting me to be part of this discussion today and I hope you will consider my recommendations so that we can see a brighter and a safer future for women, and ultimately, our future generation, our children. Like the little boy in the illustration I used, together we can make a positive difference. I applaud you again for taking the initiative to address this growing and unacceptable behaviour. Bless you in your efforts.
Thank you.