It starts by looking at how you create belonging in schools and how you create a place for the limbic system where these kids who come to school are safe. In Telegraph Creek, that's what we did. We found ways to make these kids feel that they were safe and that they belonged. We did all kinds of stuff that focused on how to show these kids that we cared and on how to put the power and the responsibility on the community to help. When you look at it, community help is critical.
It's about changing the mindsets. When you look for beauty in kids, it's a whole different way of seeing kids. I can tell you hundreds of stories about finding beauty, but I'll give you one quick one.
This 15-year-old came in and looked at me: “I hate effing counsellors.” I said, “You're going to get kicked out for fighting.” He said, “Yeah; so?” I said, “Tell me about some fights.” When he asked why, I said, “I just want to see how good you are.” He started to describe some fights, and I was thinking, “Where's his beauty...? Where's his beauty...? Where's his beauty...?”
After about five or six fights, there it was. I could see it as clear as day.
“Stop,” I said. “Every time you fight, when the guy hits the ground, the fight's over.” He said, “Yeah.” I said, “Well, you can kick him or you can piss on him. You can do whatever.” He said, “That's disrespectful.” I said, “That's an awesome quality, man. How do you apply that quality before you apply your fists?”
After 20 minutes, he stood up and walked out, saying, “Man, you're cool. I'd like to see you again.” He stopped fighting that day. They were going to kick him out.
It's about that whole mind shift of how you teach and how you discipline with dignity. Where we're at now is that I'm developing Kuwegānh, which is our old laws. We're putting them into the school system there. Kuwegānh is not about right and wrong; it's about restoring balance, restoring friendship, restoring healing. It's not about consequences. It's about people working together to develop and take conflict as something to grow from, not to bring consequence.
Those are the mindsets. The whole shift that's necessary is because we are not doing service to traumatized kids in the way our school system is set up. Therefore, you have to challenge it. How do we change that whole approach so that we can find that beauty in these kids and hold them accountable in a gentle way, and so that their limbic system has calmed down and they feel safe in the school?
That's the kind of mindset you have to explore.