In response to the text you've proposed, on an initial reading of it, a reference to “citizens” doesn't change the meaning of this recognition provision. It's still set out that the Métis government represents a Métis collectivity, those being set out in the schedule. As long as it's clear in the text that a collectivity is more than just the citizens themselves—it's something as a whole, and it's the holder of collective rights—I think it would be legally accurate.
On my reading, this reference to including its citizens doesn't change the meaning of the provision as it was drafted before.