Good morning, everyone.
Thank you for giving me the opportunity to share my experience with you.
I was a member of the forces. I am a veteran, currently. I worked for 12 years in the Canadian Armed Forces as a supply technician; I worked in several departments.
I now suffer from post-traumatic stress disorder because of psychological harassment. At first, I was told I had an adjustment disorder, but they wanted to put me on programs for post-traumatic stress disorder. I asked them why I would be part of such programs if I didn't have this disorder. It took three years before it was recognized that I had it. I have experienced psychological harassment during my 12-year career.
When you join the army, you are told that you always work in pairs. You always have to take care of your partner. My partner had an incident on the eve of graduation, following a demonstration of power by the master corporal. Afterwards, I was the one who helped his parents get people to recognize that the incident involving my partner was caused by the military.
After two years, a master warrant officer came up to me and told me that if I wanted my career to go well, I'd better leave Plamondon's family alone and get away from them. I told myself that this went against what we were taught in the forces and against the principle of the buddy system. He was asking me to distance myself from this family and my partner, whom I supported, and I didn't do it. Today, after 12 years, I still think of “JP” as my little brother.
Also, at the beginning of my career, I injured my Achilles tendon. As a rookie, you're not allowed to hurt yourself. In fact, in the army, you're not allowed to get injured. If you didn't know about it, I'll let you know. It's frowned upon. I wasn't a runner because I had an Achilles tendon injury. In the army, if you're not a runner, you're less than nothing. That's the way I was perceived, even though I was able to bench press 200 pounds.
During my career, people have taken every opportunity to mentally harass me. At first, I thought the person wasn't doing well and I was being blamed. When we'd finish at noon on Fridays, there had to be someone on duty. They decided that I would stay, and told me that since I had a physiotherapy appointment in the morning, I had to stay until three o'clock in the afternoon. I wondered why I was being penalized for physiotherapy treatments. This was the case for most of my career, right up to the end, where they really tried to get at my self-esteem. I was told that it took me 35 minutes to get from the base to where I had to work, while the warrant officer and another member of the forces did it in 32 minutes. There was a three-minute difference. I was told that I would now shower on site rather than at the base after my workout. These are just a few examples of things that took place.
At the end, they wrote false reports about me. I contested them until I was forced to file a complaint. You know, in the army, they say nice things to you. Every year we have to go through mandatory programs that talk to us about mental health and harassment. They tell us that we have to mention it when we have problems. I did that, but it did not go for the best in my case. The harassment continued and it got worse.
I was denied my vacation. My major refused to let me visit my family, even though my doctor and the psychologist recommended it. At one point I mentioned that I was going to do magic, since that's what my major wanted. The health care contact asked what I meant by “doing magic”. You can't mention that you have suicidal thoughts because they will lock you up or shove you in a corner. In Valcartier, we call it “going to the second floor”.
Going to the second floor is frowned upon. Still today, seeking help is frowned upon in the forces. I left the forces in 2019, so it's still fresh.
Every day is a struggle. Every morning, it's a struggle to get out of bed. I'm 43 years old. I take 11 pills every night to keep the nightmares and anxiety at bay, so I can get some sleep.
I was harassed. I was never able to prove it was them, but the people from the base called me three times a day, after the major denied the doctor's request to allow me to spend time with my family. They would come to my street. I live in a neighbourhood where you really have to try hard to find my house. It still gives me nightmares. They calculated how long it would take me….
I left the Canadian Forces; they say that, in order to take care of yourself, you have to move on. One of my colleagues is still having problems with Manulife, unfortunately. On December 31, she vented her frustration to me.
I bought the cat café Ma langue aux chats in Quebec City. It was my third form of therapy. It had four cats already, and we bought 10 purebred cats to help us stand out from other cafés. The cat you saw a moment ago is named Karine. Five of the cats are named after six comrades who passed away, either in action or by suicide. Karine was named after Karine Blais, who was killed in action in Afghanistan.
Now I'm trying to pay for my third form of therapy. I want to share my café and my cats. I want to provide animal therapy to my friends who are still serving and those who are veterans, as well as the public, to help them with their mental health problems. It's a subject we don't talk enough about; all too often, it's still seen as a bad thing. Since June, I've been sharing my story at the café, telling people that every day is a struggle.
Talking to you today is very gruelling for me, but I'm proud to do it; I want things to improve. The café is closed now, unfortunately, but when it was open, I would talk about my story every day. It gave me the motivation to get out of bed in the morning. I take pills, yes, but I'm not down on life.
Getting help is what matters. There isn't any in the armed forces. They can say what they want, but there isn't any. Even when you leave the armed forces, there is no one to help or guide you. I was told by the ombudsman that, when you leave the armed forces, no one is there to take you by the hand anymore, unlike in the armed forces. I left the armed forces with post-traumatic stress.
I had tons of forms to fill out and I needed help. I couldn't do it, but I was left to my own devices. If there is any help, they send you from one place to another. Whether it's Veterans Affairs Canada, the Canadian Forces or Manulife, every single one passes the buck back and forth. Manulife is asking me to pay back $27,000 because I bought a business to help me with my mental health issues while helping others.
As a sidebar, I should mention that you have to submit an application to Veterans Affairs Canada when you leave the Canadian Forces. I just found out that, for the past year and few months, I lost 15% of my pay. Now the dilemma is who is going to authorize Veterans Affairs Canada to reimburse me for my year of lost pay. The amount for that year includes the $27,000 I owe Manulife. Veterans Affairs Canada told me that, had I been in the rehabilitation program, they would have reimbursed me the $27,000 and my pay wouldn't have been cut by 15% for a year.
I was supposed to know that. They're telling me that I received training. Yes, I received training in March and I left the armed forces in September.
I'm not sure whether you know this, but when you have post-traumatic stress disorder, you forget things. You are not entirely present. The woman who spoke about her husband earlier knows what I mean. Even though I know what I want to say to you today, I brought notes because I have trouble getting the words out. My house is a real mess. I know what I need to do, but I just can't put it into action.
That's what happens when you have post-traumatic stress disorder. You have suicidal thoughts and your family members do their best to understand what you're going through, but they can't. You are suspicious of people and you are extremely anxious. I don't trust anyone anymore. I try, but I can't. I'm shattered inside. They say you have to keep fighting and move forward. Easier said than done.
I joined the armed forces as a supply technician. I have a bachelor's degree in psychology, French and nursing. A leader to me is someone who tries to lift up others. I wanted to join the armed forces as a soldier to eventually become an officer, because I wanted to learn the basics first. What I learned, though, is that the armed forces is a far cry from what I thought it was. The armed forces is not about leaders. It's about gangs, and if you don't belong to the gang, they crush you and relegate you to the corner. That is the reality in the Canadian Armed Forces.
Mental health issues are frowned upon. Going to the second floor is frowned upon. That's what you experience as a member of the Canadian Armed Forces. You're treated as though you've done something wrong, you're cast aside, you're looked at sideways and you're harassed. People hear a lot about the sexual harassment in the armed forces, but they don't hear about the psychological harassment.
When I filed a complaint, the decision came back in my favour, and my six allegations were recognized. All I got from the Canadian Armed Forces was a letter, and it wasn't even given to me by my commander. It was sent to me in an envelope. It said that the decision regarding my six allegations was in my favour and that I could challenge the decision if I was not satisfied. No one apologized to me on behalf of the Canadian Armed Forces for how I had been treated. I never received an apology. I was treated as though I had done something wrong.
After that, someone said that I was going to get farther than others had, so the harassment continued, even after my complaint had been upheld. That is how it goes. I wasn't going to file a new complaint against the people who kept harassing me because there was no point. They can say that we receive mandated program training, that we are informed, that members are encouraged to file complaints, but it's just talk. You can complain all you want, but it's useless.
The people at 5 Service Battalion, in Valcartier, are experts at harassment. They treat people as though they are stupid and they destroy the lives of members and their families. They are experts at it.
Being here today is hard, but I'm proud that I am finally able to tell my story. I hope you listened carefully.