Well, I can give you some examples. I mean, I have already alluded to what if she's out there? I feel like she's waiting for me to find her. You know, I feel that once in a while.
My biggest fear is that all of a sudden I realize what if I never know what happened to her? I sort of went through the first few months, the first year, and then, holy, I can't believe it's been this long, and how did I ever survive? Then all of a sudden it hits me. What if I never know? That's my biggest fear.
In the meantime, you're living this life. You go to work. Most people at work don't know, and they'll ask how many kids I have. How do I answer that question? Most often I say two, because that's how many I have. I have some funny stories about some incidents about that. My younger daughter, if we moved and she'd go out with friends and they would question her, it would be awkward. You feel like you don't want to tell people, not because you don't want to tell them, but because they'll be so shocked they don't know what to say.
One of the members said here today, “I can't even imagine.” I can't tell you how many times I've heard that. In fact, when people question me further and I finally tell them, they look at me, and I can see them trying to envision it of their own children or their own family, and they physically shake their head and say, “I can't even imagine.” They can't even think about it for more than 10 seconds.
That's my experience. Knowing has got to be better than this, that's for sure.