Wow. That's a very good question.
Coming forward was the most terrifying thing I've ever done, basically because I knew the history. I knew that the reaction would be negative and that the retribution would be quick and swift. I was correct on that, but I knew there were other people out there who were probably more terrified than I was.
As I said before, there were whispers. There were always whispers across the country, and now it's a roar, which is wonderful. I had to do that because I knew if I didn't, it was going to destroy me, and I thought it wasn't right. I have this fierce sense of justice and equality and I knew I had to find justice by speaking out.
On the equality part, I knew there were other people out there somewhere, both male and female, who were treated like I was, because as I said before, there were whispers. I hadn't seen anyone around me treated like I was, because I would have definitely spoken up for them. That's why I did that, and I've never regretted it.
As a matter of fact, I received an e-mail a little while ago from a gentleman who is still in and is having a difficult time. He's not sure if he wants to stay in the RCMP. He asked me if retiring at 20 years was worth it. I had to really do some thinking. I thought it was, because my mental, physical, and spiritual body was being destroyed. If I hadn't spoken out, if I hadn't written my book, which is my voice, then I don't think I would be here.
It's not that I wanted to make a decision to kill myself, it's just that I wanted to end the suffering, go to sleep, and not wake up. If I hadn't spoken up, I don't think I would be here. For people to speak up and say what has happened to them is very important to the healing process.