Thank you for having me here today.
I am a psychotherapist treating anxiety, depression, and eating disorders in Burlington, Ontario. I am also a proud member of the steering committee of the National Initiative for Eating Disorders.
I am here representing the voice of my clients along with my own voice as a survivor of anorexia. I'm proud to say that I'm one of the people that were able to get through our system despite its flaws.
As a therapist I often see people who the system didn't work for, the people who are waiting. I treat the most desperate of individuals and the sickest of the sick. They are lonely and desperate. I have only been a therapist for five years, and in my early career I have seen one of my clients die from anorexia. That is one client too many. She was bounced around, kicked out, and misunderstood. She struggled with OCD in addition to her eating disorder, and this left her paralyzed with fear. She was 20 years old when she died.
I have since known three more women who I was in treatment with who have all died from complications of their eating disorder. They were all under the age of 30 and were part of our system of care.
I can tell you right now that the statistics on eating disorders are downplaying this issue a thousand times over and millions are suffering in silence.
Prior to my work as a private practitioner, I worked as the program director at Danielle's Place, an eating disorder and support resource centre in Burlington, similar to Sheena's Place. Throughout my three years directing the centre, we had a terrible time getting funding to keep our doors open. Our aim was to provide services that were free of charge and would be free of waiting lists and were able to support the hundreds of men and women each year. Unfortunately, when I left the centre, they had to close their doors. This was devastating for a number of clients who saw the centre as their regular safe haven.
The inability to recognize the severity of the illness is one of the diagnostic criteria for anorexia nervosa, and this was me. I was one of the ones who had no idea that this was happening to me. Before I was diagnosed with anorexia, I was diagnosed with severe depression and anxiety. I suffered so badly that I really and truly did not know how to live without being on a myriad of different drugs to calm me down.
My eating disorder probably started when I was 16 years old. It was at this time that my family had gone through an extremely traumatic event, which is very typical for the onset of mental illness. Anorexia was one of the greatest gifts because it numbed my brain and it really helped slow these thoughts down.
Things went downhill pretty quickly, as they do, and all of a sudden things were getting harder for me to do. My doctor told me that I was underweight because I was a competitive athlete. He put me on a myriad of antidepressants that left me feeling a confused mess. I never weighed myself. This also surprises people. When I first weighed myself, it was the first thing that scared me enough to go to a specialist for assessment.
The next couple of years of my life are the hardest for me to talk about. These were the years that I was battling the system and myself. I had no idea what was happening to me. My world was falling apart. I was defeated. After years of loving the anorexia I let it take me.
From here I have a hard time remembering why, but I ended up on a psych ward in another city. I was the only anorexic patient within their whole entire program. My illness took over at this point and I was asked to leave that program. I was hospitalized in the ICU at my local hospital. I have had many doctors tell me they don't know how I survived.
I'm telling you this not to make you feel sorry for me, but for you to understand that my story is not unique. This happened all while I was waiting for an assessment with a local treatment centre. This happened while my parents were begging for someone to talk to me and for someone to understand. This all happened because I was kicked out of the psych ward because they did not know how to help me and my weight kept dropping. They asked me to leave their program at ... pounds at 20 years of age. [Pursuant to a motion passed on April 30, 2014, a portion of this testimony has been deleted. See Minutes of Proceedings] They discharged me from hospital at that weight because they told me I was being non-compliant.
From that moment on, I had no will to live or fight. My weight went down significantly and I ended up in the ICU surrounded by individuals who were three, four, or five times my age and dying of heart failure, cancer and other terminal illnesses.
My name happened to come up for an assessment at the Toronto General eating disorders program after waiting for four months for the assessment. They would not let me do the assessment over the phone and did not have the resources to send their specialist to me while I was in the hospital so I had to go by ambulance from Burlington to Toronto, hooked up to IVs, a tube that was feeding me and a heart monitor making sure I didn't go into cardiac arrest, just to prove that I was sick enough for their program. I actually remember lying there in bed completely out of it while a team of doctors asked me questions.
Does this seem right?
There is something wrong with our system. Would they make a child who was sick with cancer travel that long distance to prove they needed radiation or chemotherapy or to prove they needed to see an oncologist? From here I was put on a waiting list. I waited for four more months in a hospital where I endured the most disgusting abuse from the staff, which gave me the courage and the passion to do what I do today.
I don't want anyone to have to be told that there are a lot of other people there who are sicker than them and to just eat and stop taking up a bed, or to be told that they are too sick to talk to anyone and to not be given a voice to even try to understand.
I was eventually able to get a bed at the Toronto General eating disorders program. I spent four months there and left prematurely. I relapsed immediately, and from there I was facing outpatient treatments and very expensive individual therapy.
I worked tirelessly with my family and my husband to get where I am today. Many things that happened in my life were very influential in my recovery. Those seven years were the hardest of my life as I battled that system, but I truly believe my eating disorder has made me a better person. However, I will never ever underestimate the power this has on any individual that is diagnosed.
What I am here to get across today is that eating disorders are truly deadly illnesses. They take your life away and destroy families. As is the case with many other mental illnesses, people just do not understand. They feel an eating disorder is something you can just fix, something you need to address and get over. What we know now is that this is an illness of the brain, a psychological illness that takes away all logic and reasoning. I cannot believe how lucky I am to be sitting here right now, and how close my life came to ending. I have a very hard time making sense of it. I have a hard time making sense of it because there is no sense to make.
People die from this illness because there aren't adequate resources to treat it. Doctors misdiagnose and minimize the struggles, and people end up feeling enabled and blamed for something they do not understand. The prognosis for eating disorders is not very good. We know that it is hard to recover, and the longer the eating disorder goes on, the lower the chances for a full recovery.
We need help to make sure that when people are ready, there is treatment available. We need to put eating disorders on the radar and help people correct their misinterpretations of this illness and erase the stigma.
There are three aspects that I feel are most important to focus on at this time.
First is funding. As others who have spoken at this forum have said, I believe there needs to be equitable funding for eating disorders and other related illnesses. There need to be more beds and spots available so that waiting lists are shortened.
Second, I believe there needs to be an equitable amount of OHIP coverage for youth and adults who are struggling with eating disorders. OHIP is quite easily convinced to send anyone under the age of 18 to programs in the United States for specialized and timely care; however, anyone older is told to make use of our resources here.
Third, I believe there needs to be mandatory training for medical professionals to be able to properly screen and diagnose eating disorders. There needs to be more awareness and consistency among general practitioners, nurses, psychiatrists, and other professionals to ensure that this illness doesn't continue to be swept aside.
At this time, I am happy to answer any questions to help you understand my perspective and to offer any insight I may be able to bring to the study.
Thank you.