Thank you.
Together we made the decision that I would stay at home with our children. I would like to emphasize that this decision was made together. My husband is my number one supporter.
When I married, I became a D/W, dependent wife, in the eyes of the armed forces. In 1981 there were no supports for families: no military family resource centres, no supplementary health plans and no dental coverage. When we were posted to Calgary in 1986, D/C, dependent children, were not allowed to accompany their parents on house-hunting trips. We had to make arrangements for our two-year-old to be cared for by family members. Our four-month-old was allowed to accompany us because he was still being breastfed.
My husband was away on a six-month course when we were to be posted to Halifax. I had to go myself, to a city I had never been to, and in five days find a home for our family. Again, our children were not allowed to go, and I had to make arrangements for them to be cared for.
Over the course of the first 22 years of our marriage, we were posted 10 times. We lived in the west and down east. We lived outside of Canada twice. We were blessed with two children. We had no family living near us at the time of their births. In the first five years of marriage, my husband had been away from home on courses and exercises more than half of that time.
Before the birth of our first child, I worked full time. I stayed out of the paying workforce from 1983 until 1997. In 1997 I returned to the workforce on a part-time basis. I returned to full-time work in 2005, with a break from 2011 to 2015 when we were posted. I worked in administrative positions in churches, a private school and a community sports organization. I retired from paid employment in 2018.
One of the losses of not working full time is the loss in status in the eyes of society. The first thing people ask when they meet you is, “What do you do?” I told people that I had the privilege of staying at home with my children. I did, and still do, see it as a privilege. Many of my university peers are now retiring from powerful, well-paying positions in the private and public sectors. I gave up this opportunity when I chose to stay at home.
Other losses are financial. Our family income was smaller than it could have been. We had one car, other than for a few years when our children were learning to drive. We did not travel for vacations. We owned a small home in Ottawa, which we rented out when we were posted elsewhere. Many times we anxiously awaited payday.
I do not have a private pension. My CPP payment is just over $375 per month. If my husband predeceases me, I will receive approximately half of his government pension.
In the eyes of society, I may be viewed as a failure or my choice as folly. However, I see much value in the choice I made. Because I stayed at home, I was able to volunteer extensively. I volunteered in my children's schools, at my church and in homeless shelters, and I served on the boards of directors of a number of not-for-profit organizations. I helped mobilize two churches to support refugees new to Canada. I was able to donate many hours of time and expertise to organizations and I know that I made a difference to those organizations. I currently mentor four young women, and I know that my experiences provide especially relevant support to two of them, who are stay-at-home mothers. I still volunteer in my church and at a seniors health centre.
I believe that staying at home as the stable rock in my family has, in some part, resulted in a still vibrant marriage of 38 years. Most importantly, my choice enabled me to be a central influencer in the upbringing of my children. I was the reliable parent who was always there when their dad was away on course, on exercise or deployed to Afghanistan.
My children are both well-adjusted adults who are contributors to society. Both of my children completed the rigorous international baccalaureate program in high school. My daughter holds a master's degree and has educated children in five different countries in her role as a math teacher in the international school community. My son is an engineer, a pilot, and a major in the Canadian Armed Forces. He recently returned from a deployment overseas.
I believe the family is an important foundation of society. I feel it is important for a parent to have the choice to stay at home with their children and to be supported in this choice.
The government could support families by allowing income splitting for tax purposes; providing a stay-at-home parent tax benefit; financially supporting senior women who never have engaged in paid work; and changing pension legislation for surviving spouses who do not have a private pension.
If I had a chance to go back and to change my decision to stay at home, would I? I would not. Do I see myself as a failure because of my choice? I do not.
Thank you again for this opportunity to share my story.