Thank you for the invitation to speak in front of the Standing Committee on the Status of Women in relation to violence against young girls and women.
My name is Carol Todd. I am an educator in British Columbia, but I am best known as the mother of Amanda Todd. Amanda has become a prominent figure worldwide in the fight against cyber-bullying, sextortion, and revenge pornography. Born on November 27, 1996, she lived too briefly, until the age of 15. On October 10, 2012, she took her own life.
As a mother, I will always carry the heartache of losing my daughter.
While Amanda died far too young, she left a legacy in her own words posting her YouTube video on her YouTube channel, which has been viewed approximately 40 million times across the world. The legacy is one of promoting greater awareness and education of the issues that surround cyber-bullying, social media safety, and ultimately, mental health.
Amanda's life from ages 12 to 15 encompassed sextortion, bullying, both online and off-line, cyber-abuse, and mental illness. There were reports to the police and changes in schools to help rectify what was happening in her life. The police suggested keeping her off-line, which we know now isn't the right answer, as a young person feels that their lifeline is attached to the technology device that is in their hands. A teenager considers their device to be oxygen, and without it, they don't believe they can exist. Police officers can sometimes seem out of touch with the teens and will flippantly tell parents, “teens will be teens” just as we often hear that boys will be boys.
Amanda had a learning disability related to language processing and had been diagnosed with ADHD, PTSD, and anxiety disorder, which impacted her life immensely. But she found a place that made her feel successful in the world of music and singing. At a young age, she shared her songs on YouTube and started her own channel, where people—strangers—would compliment her and invite her into chat rooms to speak. Amanda and her friends, being members of the pioneer age of technology, joined in to make new friends and talk about their favourite singers and stars.
At that time, our knowledge of what existed on the Internet was not as widespread as it is now. Warnings were not widely in place about avoiding unknown profiles, about which social media sites were full of predators, and about how to protect yourself when talking to strangers. Today it is still impossible to know exactly who you are talking to online; therefore, stranger danger warnings are necessary and need to be instilled in everyone, from the very young to adults.
Amanda and her friends ended up sharing personal information with those strangers and learned first-hand about the dark side of the Internet, a predator's playground where strangers can prey on the kids who visit these social media sites.
During a chat session, someone pretended to be a teenaged boy and convinced Amanda to flash him and, unknown to her, he screencapped her image. These cappers collect and trade child pornography images and use them in criminal ways. Amanda's image was used to exploit her and was posted to adult pornography sites and later put on a social media network for everyone to see. It was later found that the profile was alleged to be linked to a 35-year-old man who now sits in a Netherlands jail awaiting trial for crimes against a hundred other victims across the world.
When he did not get what he wanted from Amanda, and after the initial posting, the profile then contacted and taunted me with what my daughter had done. When one teen told her parent, it was then reported to the RCMP, who came to our door that early morning. This left Amanda shocked and feeling bad about her situation, instilling fear in her, as we didn't know where this person resided. After this incident, her peers continued to taunt and ridicule her face to face, online, in school, and in our community. This left Amanda powerless, fearful, and anxiety-ridden and not wanting to leave her own house.
This alleged profile made by the predator continued to follow, terrorize, and threaten Amanda over social media, even after she went off social media and went off-line as had been recommended. When we allowed her to go back online, the person came back and continued to taunt her, harass her, and threaten her. Amanda moved schools multiple times, and it is known to us now that this person created a hundred alias profiles and followed her around.
The story was documented by The Fifth Estate in programs called “The Sextortion of Amanda Todd” and “Stalking Amanda Todd: The Man in the Shadows”, which it is recommended we all watch so we can continue to learn.
When Amanda was off-line, the abusive behaviours continued to swirl around social media. Not knowing what was being said or by whom added to the problem of not being able to provide the supports to help deal with the situation. In Amanda's case, there were individuals who continued the behaviours in both anonymous and non-anonymous positions. My once-spirited and adventurous child became more reclusive and sad, and she felt alone. On April 14, 2014, the RCMP announced that an arrest had been made in connection to Amanda and an alleged 100 other victims around the world. He is currently awaiting trial in the Netherlands and will be extradited to Canada at the conclusion of those proceedings to face charges on the digital abuse and “sextortion“ that he subjected Amanda to online.
I have had the opportunity to not only travel globally to share her legacy but hopefully also to educate on and create more awareness of the issues and concerns that face our younger generation as well as to provide information to their parents and daily caregivers who can present it to guide them along the path of life.
Someone shared with me how they felt after following Amanda's story and the journey it has taken on itself. She felt that this particular story had touched the hearts and minds of many because of the different pieces that the story contains. When I am up on stage speaking to people of all ages, ethnic backgrounds, sexual orientations, and religions, I can see what she is talking about. Amanda, in her unknowing braveness, has opened herself up not only to share her story but also to expose the different sides of it.
We have come to realize that what happened to Amanda can happen to anyone. As Amanda said, everyone has a story. When those stories come out, and they belong to your child, your relatives, or your grandchildren, they sometimes mean more. We often hear people say, “it won't happen in my family”, “not my child”, or “my teen would never do that”, and until it happens, we can't believe that it could. No one is immune from becoming a statistic. We can't wait for yet another headline, and we can't fall into the trap of saying “not in our family”. We hope that it never happens in any person's family, but sometimes it does. I am proof, and Leah is proof, as are many others, some of whom will be speaking before your committee.
In this 21st century, young girls and women, and young boys and men are dealing with a lot more than we ever did 30 years ago in terms of sexualized behaviours and easy access to sharing intimate information that was once kept in a quiet manner. Amanda's words in her video are her personal victim impact statement. If I could have one wish in the world, it would be to have her with us to share what it meant to her to make it and what she would have expected us to learn from it.
I use the snowflake as an example of how precious, unique, and individual all of our children are. A snowflake is one of a kind. There are no two snowflakes the same. Our children, too, are one of a kind, and no two are the same. A snowflake is brilliant and beautiful, as is each and every one of our children. Sadly, they are all fragile. No matter how tough and strong our modern children appear, or how much they know about technology, they are still our children, and we must take care of them.
Even as teens, when they want to be fully independent, they need a hug, our tenderness, and a safe place to land. As parents and caregivers, that is our job. When we get busy, or are directing our attention to the hundreds of things we have to handle every day, we forget how much the little things mean to us, and to all of us.
Before Amanda died, she surprised me one day by asking why I didn't call her princess snowflake. I didn't realize this was something that she enjoyed
In conclusion, I want to thank all of you for the time and effort you have put into creating laws to address abuse. What is happening in our society also costs the lives of many wonderful Canadian children and young women. Just think how, if you are living in a country like the United States and you get a ticket for speeding, often enough you would have to go to a four-hour to six-hour class in order to watch videos and learn how to behave appropriately. Maybe that is something we need to consider in our country in the future for people who abuse children and young women online.
Speaking for many Canadians who care about our country, I applaud and thank the Canadian government for putting cyber-violence against young girls and women on the agenda and working to develop of better strategies and future outcomes.
I would also like to thank all the communities worldwide that have shown support and for the work they have done. Without everyone's voice, we could not get this issue and topic to be discussed. Looking at media feeds, we can see that we have created a conversation around the world.
On behalf of my daughter and other fellow Canadians, I want the world to be a better place, free of victimization, sexualized crimes, and cyber-violence. We must work together to create a safer place for Canadians to live, because acts of violence against young girls and women are indeed preventable.
Thank you.