Our final story comes from a wonderfully insightful client, who I have named Flora. She is a reluctant caregiver, and we've had many conversations about the lack of options available to her. Through her frustration, she compares the current condition of caregiving in Canada to the generation of lost young men who served in World War I. Intending no disrespect to their service or sacrifices, she talks passionately about the generation of middle-age women who currently are lost to caregiving.
In that discussion, we drew contrasts between the two groups. Soldiers had volunteered or were conscripted, confident that they would receive the tools and skills they needed to be successful. They received a paycheque. It was an indicator of the value of their time and effort and a means of support for their otherwise lost income. They were trained in boot camp on what to expect in the field and how to protect themselves and each other. They were given guns, protective equipment, maps, and rations, and they were shown how to use them. The enemy was defined and could be identified by its uniform. They were taught how the enemy thinks and acts and how to stay a step ahead of it. They were given a platoon leader who would provide guidance and leadership, helping to keep them safe and battle ready. In an office far away, there was a strategist working on a plan of how to defeat the enemy and get the soldiers safely home. When that soldier returned, there were plans and programs and services in place to help him move back into his productive civilian life.
By contrast, the average caregiver is more often a conscript than a volunteer for the position and lacks the confidence in what she is undertaking. She receives no paycheque to indicate the value of her time or her lost income. She is not trained for the role, but there are both societal and self-imposed assumptions that she should know or will somehow learn how to do the job. Although reminded often by many well-intended people to take care of herself, she is not versed in the personal dangers of caregiving.
Although the enemy is a medical condition, there's often scant information offered to help her understand the characteristics of the illness or what to anticipate. Sometimes there's a secondary enemy disguised as an overburdened health care system, uncooperative family members, or a care recipient who is resistant to services. There's no leader to help her along the way. There are no strategists with an eye to the overall plan and big picture, and when her loved one dies, when she is physically, mentally, and financially broken, there are no services. There is no GI bill to offer transition back to her life, and no glory to come home to, only the sorrow of grief.