I ask that the use of reunification camps and therapy for children as part of any outcome in legal proceedings be prohibited.
I ask that abusive post-separation fathering tactics of accusing the mother of alienating the children against them be recognized as a form of coercive control, that those judgments be reopened and that the children be returned to their mothers.
The domestic violence wheel clearly indicates that domestic violence is about control and entitlement. The more controlling a man is, the more dangerous he is.
Canada encourages women to leave in order to protect their children and themselves on claims that we have the right to live in dignity and in safety. However, when we do, that is not the reality we victims face. As soon as we leave our abuser, he suddenly becomes an even more powerful monster, a monster I would equate to the Greek mythological creature of Hydra: Cut off one head and three more grow. We leave one abuser, and suddenly, like the Hydra, he grows more heads and more abusers grow around him, empowering him to suffocate, torment and torture our children, us and our entire family.
How? As you all know, my children and I have suffered, and continue to suffer, from abuse and coercive control at the hands of my ex-husband, George Giannopoulos. My two briefs, as well as the supporting documents submitted to you, clearly indicate the severity of the abuse and control from 1997, which continues today.
George, as you know, also attempted to silence this very committee by threatening to sue it, along with the House Speaker and the director of legislation. If that is not an indication of his immense control and entitlement, I don't know what is.
Upon separation, George invoked parental alienation as an extension of his abuse and control. The more my children and I divulged abuse, the more it was seen as proof of alienation, and George, like all abusers, was able to grow more fierceful heads, wearing the hats of youth protection, judges and lawyers. In other words, all who, in fact and in theory, are supposed to protect victims of abuse were and are his most powerful and supportive allies and enablers.
Like all other mothers in this situation, as if George and our abusers needed more power over us, we lost custody of our children, our parental authority and the right to even see our children. We were forced and court-ordered to self-represent. We lost our homes. This coercive control that is being granted to abusers by court order spreads onto everyone in the maternal family as, somehow, the right to see our children is also removed.
As you all know, my mother died 1,000 days from the date that my children were barbarically abducted by court order. Although she had hours to live, they still did not allow her to see my children.
This is why I would like the coercive control bill to be named “Niki's law”, to honour my mom, to ensure this never happens again and to ensure that the tragic way she died is not in vain.
Just think about this. Murderers on death row get their last wish, and a loving, innocent grandmother didn't. Rapists and murderers are able to see their children while in jail, yet protective mothers are prohibited from any and all contact.
Coercive control knows no age limit and goes far beyond the children and their mother. There should be no statute of limitations for a victim to denounce abuse and controlling behaviour. Victims who have filed charges of abuse should be able to reopen their files and to add “coercive control” to their charges. We also need to be able to reopen our files post judgment in any court.
How does Canada expect victims to come forward with abuse when Canadian courts are just going to further empower our monsters? Countless children and mothers like me are threatened by youth protection, judges and our own lawyers that if we continue to denounce abuse or to speak about it, we will lose custody.
There are attempts to force our children and us into so-called reunification therapy, whereby the end result is for us to state, by coercion and force, that the abuse never happened and that the father is safe. Is that not giving our abusers the ultimate control over us?
Due to the youth protection system, lawyers, courts and judges all acting in solidarity with the abuser and the Machiavellian pseudo-science of parental alienation, our children were deliberately orphaned from their mothers and placed in danger. The documents before you are clear. Our children are suffering and are in danger, and there is nothing we mothers are able to do to help or to protect our children, because of orders rendered against us by Canadian courts.
I never had words strong enough to describe the pain I feel every day without my boys, until the day I buried my mother and collapsed to my knees as they were lowering her into the ground. Being without my children feels like a double funeral every day since October 9, 2019. That's 1,673 days today without my boys. What crime did we commit?
Canada needs to step up and help us.
Thank you.