Thank you.
I'm a single mom of four grown children and a grandma to the seven most beautiful grandchildren in the world.
I feel compelled to share my story in order to tear down the walls of secrecy and shame.
I was 18 when I was married to a supposedly respectable man from an extremely wealthy and influential family. I was his victim for over 15 years. My abuse didn't happen in a third world country. It happened right here in this country.
From day one, he instilled in me an extreme fear. It was impossible to escape. Those who should have protected me protected him. The details are gruesome. I was subjected to all forms of abuse that turned into torture.
This happened almost daily. He tried to kill me on many occasions. He hung me. He doused me with kerosene. He even tried to push me in an ocean numerous times. He forced me to drink poison.
The beatings were relentless. He tied me up, kicked me, dragged me by my hair. He would leave me tied up all night. I was forced to sleep outside many nights. As a result of his beatings, I now live with an artificial jaw after having gone through 10 jaw surgeries. The pain is excruciating. I've lost all of the facial nerves.
All of this was to make it look like a suicide and to get full custody of my children. They would become his next victims, especially my two daughters. The kids would hide under their beds and cover their eyes to avoid seeing and hearing the screams. They were afraid to go to school, as they might never see me again.
I want to give victims the courage to speak out, get help and stop the cycle of abuse.
Unknowingly, my abuser gave me a very public platform and a loud voice—one that will change the misconception of domestic violence. You see, being a survivor requires great courage. I'm unmasking my story, but I refuse to be defined by the history of violence that I left behind.
The abuse is in my identity. I've fought hard to acquire the skills to cope, to recover, to combat cultural labels and to thrive as a warrior.
I'm an author of two books, a speaker and an educator on violence.
I continue to see victims failed over and over. The punishment does not fit the crime. Domestic violence is still looked at as a private matter.
There are so many abusers who live amongst us, hiding in plain sight, who are never publicly identified, despite abusing multiple victims over decades. This, I believe, is due to the existence of a broken system that causes victims to remain silent.
To all victims of domestic violence, I hope I can give your silent sufferings the exposure they deserve. To those who have suffered and to those who are still suffering, may you be strengthened by my story.
I hear you, I see you and I believe you. For me, those harsh years of brutality are behind me now. I am free. I hope every other victim will be too.
Please help me help victims become victors and make it a safer place for them and their families to live, without the ongoing fear of violence. Let this talk and the gravity of it affect you and enrage you. Let's not get numb to this violence. I appeal to you to protect our vulnerable children from abusers.
I have a question for you: What would you do if your daughter, your sister, your friend, your neighbour or your co-worker was being beaten, tortured, raped, sodomized or isolated by someone who's supposed to protect you and her? That was me and my story.
Thank you.