Thank you so much.
I have to tell you, Mr. Chair, that I forgot my notes once again. It's the story of my life. I will count on you to let me know when my time is up, because I have so much to tell you all.
First of all, thank you very much. You may remember me as the vet's spouse who ran after Mr. Fantino two years ago, in fact 23 months ago, not even two years. Here I am as a result of the system.
Very briefly, I'd like you to please acknowledge the fact that my ex-husband is sitting here. He's the one who has allowed me for the past two years to talk so openly about our challenges whether they are social, work-related, or sex-life related. Please ask me about the challenges; ask me anything you want to know about, but please, most of all, know that this man gave me the permission to talk openly.
Second of all, now as his separated wife, I am homeless, and because of him I can eat during the month. It's not the case for all women, for all spouses, for all caregivers, or even for all veterans when they end a relationship. I want you to acknowledge that most of the time, one of them becomes very vulnerable. I am it.
I ran after Mr. Fantino 23 months ago. A year ago I testified before the same committee, right here, where I expressed the fact that the caregiver relief benefit didn't make sense at all. In June 2015 I expressed the same thing before the Senate subcommittee, the fact that the caregiver relief benefit didn't make sense. Here I am, in May 2016, and I am now homeless.
I want to make sure you understand that it's the advocacy that killed me. Three things would have saved our marriage. The first one is everything related to the help and support that was promised to my husband. How can a man who spent 5,000 hours in a CC-130 Hercules...?
I'm sorry, but I will switch to French from English, because I'm exhausted. I hope you're ready.
My ex-husband has 5,000 flight hours to his credit. In 2007, Veterans Affairs Canada acknowledged that his tinnitus could be related to his military service. Two years later, Veterans Affairs Canada gave him hearing aids that were not covered under his pension, and there is nothing about this in his file.
For eight years, my former husband has fought to get recognition that his deafness is also related to his service. If the tinnitus is recognized, why is the deafness not? I do not understand it. The problem is that my ex-husband suffers not only from tinnitus, but also from deafness. The tinnitus maskers also mask his deafness. He cannot hear anything. Veterans Affairs Canada has to acknowledge the fact that his deafness is also associated with his service. That way, he can get care and devices that will improve his quality of life. This brings me to the quality of life issue. As long as this man is suffering, I am going to support him, as a family member.
If medical cannabis had been available before, that is the second thing that could have saved our marriage.
Medical cannabis, as Carla just mentioned, would have saved our marriage. Do you know why? All the pills he was taking—for sleeping, or to give him energy, or to wake him up, or to calm him down before we would attend family meetings—made him completely numb all the time. Do you know what it did? It prevented him from having positive social experiences. Don't forget that PTSD is a process. It's all about maturity.
Now, here's the thing. The third thing that would have saved my marriage is if this country would have recognized the service that I myself gave to my country. This is exactly why I want to talk to you today. I have so much to tell you, but I have one mission today, and that is to tell you that the battle about families is all about identity and dignity. Let me tell you what it's like.
The identity part is all about the core of the policies where I'm not recognized. Do you understand what that means? As much as for the Canadian Armed Forces as with Veterans Affairs Canada, if my husband cannot access services only because I'm there.... Remember, I had four kids at home, a full-time job, a big house to run, and I was told by a case manager that my husband couldn't have VIP service. Do you know why? Because I was there. “You can do it, Madam Migneault:” that's exactly what I was told.
This is the identity part: you have to recognize me in those policies. The dignity is about quality of life, and it has three aspects: support, education, and recognition.
The support is really all that comes with me, my own background. I would like to remind you that if I had been a military spouse, I would have come from the JPSU. If you're a serving member and you need services, chances are, if you have a wife, you won't get those services.
Do you want to know what the impacts are on my life as a caregiver? Just think about it. The burden is on me. No matter what, I have to deal with the situation, and I come with my own baggage. I need support to teach me how to protect myself from the collateral damage. I am that collateral damage, as we speak.
I need education to know how to support my husband, to help him, to be the ally who will make him want to get better. This is the input I can bring. Most people think about education as having to do with the therapeutic side of things. I do agree. But do you know what? For years I'm the one who gave my husband a massage. He has a cracked backbone. He would rather receive a massage from his wife than from a stranger, and he felt like I was doing a better job. Well, this is probably true, but if I had been trained to massage him correctly, more efficiently, I would have lost less energy in trying to help him. That's the point—I need education.
I cannot talk on behalf of everybody. My purpose is really to bring the voices from down to up. I cannot tell you what education should be. If you ask me, knowing that many live with, for instance, domestic violence, I would be the one promoting the teaching of self-defence, if needed. Education can be that large. It also means we have to deal with the reality, the reality of the ugliness of the darkness.
Then there's recognition. Let's be honest, we're talking about money. The more you want to help me through my husband, I'd like to remind you that the more you are making me dependent on him. That's the point. The recognition is really about the money. First of all, I had to quit my job in order to stay with my husband eight years ago. Eight years ago I was 35 years old, and I'd like to remind you that I testified, in November 2007, before this same committee. Read it. I was 35 years old, and we had three children at home back then. You'll see who I was and see who I am today.
I cannot work 40 hours a week now. I am transitioning. Understand me: I became a military spouse myself, living 24 hours a day with someone with PTSD. If you don't still believe that transfer PTSD is a reality, come back to earth. Now, the family needs an independent voice. Do you know why? Because in a marriage, my needs are not the same as my husband's. Give me an independent voice, acknowledge where I am, my needs, and let's work on an action plan.
Thank you.