Good afternoon.
My name is Phil MacKinnon. I retired just under a year ago from the Canadian Forces after 26-plus years of service. I joined in 1989 as a private. As a private I was told what to do, where to go, and when to be there. I did my job and would gladly do it again.
As you work your way up through the ranks, you're given more responsibility, but your orders come from higher so you're still told where to go, what to do, and when to be there.
Now I'm retired. No one tells me where to go other than my wife, and I'm not really sure I can repeat where she tells me to go sometimes, but a lot of times, you don't know what to do. When I was in the military, I had a doctor's appointment. It was a parade. I was there. I'm not in the military anymore. I haven't even got a family doctor yet because of the wait-list. I'm in an area that is underserved, so I have no family doctor. I have to try to make appointments to visit either the emergency room or a family medical clinic that will take someone in.
It's the same thing with mental health. When I had an appointment, I was there. For me, speaking to someone like that helped a lot. When my guys went through a traumatic incident, as their supervisor, it was incumbent upon me to ensure that they sought counselling for what was required. It was mandated for us.
My trade was military police. We dealt with a lot of traumatic issues. It could be anything from a very severe domestic to a suicide, what have you. My guys would go, they would do their stuff, and then I would ensure that they saw counselling.
Now I'm that person who's in need and to try to seek counselling, I don't even know where to go. I have talked to a case manager who I recently was in contact with, and she starting to get me on the right track again, but when I was diagnosed in 2006 with PTSD, I went through a lot of counselling, two, sometimes even three times a week. Before that my solace came from a bottle. On an average weekend I would drink two, maybe three 40-ouncers, sometimes a little bit more, depending on how rough a week it was.
I deployed in 2001 to Bosnia on roto 8, where I found out I was actually in a minefield, although it was supposedly cleared by the agencies. In 2003 I ended up on roto 0 in Kabul, Afghanistan, and went back on roto 4 in Kabul, and roto 0 in Kandahar. I finished that tour in 2005.
Prior to that I was deployed on Op Recuperation. I'm sure a few people here probably remember the ice storm. During the ice storm in 1998, I was deploying back home. I was told there was HLVW that had gone off the side of the road, and we needed to do an accident report on it. Okay, not a problem.
There was a whiteout behind us. Before the OPP could get there to close down the highway, my patrol vehicle was hit by a 10-tonne truck from Toronto. I was in the driver's seat. The only thing that saved me was that I couldn't get the damn seatbelt undone. That seatbelt and the vest that I was wearing saved my life. I still have nightmares about it. I still have nightmares about Afghanistan. That's the way it is, but the counsellor who I had down in Halifax—and, God, I wish I could remember her name—was phenomenal, a psychologist. She told me one thing that has always stuck with me. She said, “You'll never get over it, but you'll learn to get through it.”
In 2014, I was posted to Toronto. We couldn't sell our house in North Bay so I went down to Toronto in IR, that is, imposed restriction. I was down there living in a tiny apartment. It was 490 square feet, my entire apartment, and you'd have to step out onto the balcony to change your mind. I was on the 22nd floor. The pain and the mental stress of being away from the family take a toll on a body, but you have nowhere to turn because you don't know who to turn to. When I'd get back to North Bay, I'd seek out my psychologist and talk to him whenever I could. Now, though, for his own medical reasons he's had to retire.
As far as I'm concerned, there needs to be a system in place so that veterans transitioning from the military can be taken on as priority cases. When I was diagnosed I had a lot of problems. I had anger issues, and the last thing you want is a Cape Bretoner with a badge, a bad attitude, PTSD, and nothing to lose. That's just a recipe for disaster.
There needs to be something to allow you to transition from the military, where they're providing your mental health resources, to an civilian system Veterans Affairs can refer you to immediately. If you have a civilian psychologist, you should be able to keep the same individuals. I have friends who have put calls into OSISS and have not received callbacks. They've sent them emails and not received an email back, even acknowledging them. There is a big disconnect and it's a gap that needs to be bridged and needs to be bridged quickly.
Thank you.