Over the last 10 years, I've deteriorated to the point where I struggle to do anything paperwork-related, including opening mail. Just confirming my appearance to speak here took two days and a migraine to fill one piece of paper to come here. My statement was also late to be translated.
I struggle with deadlines. I don't understand it; I used to be so reliable, but now my taxes are always done late and my bills are rarely paid on time. I've heard that there are supports out there for me, but I feel stuck and I don't know how to ask for help.
My children were born in 2011 and 2013. Every day of their lives has been affected by my mental health. First it was the rage that came with my PTSD that I was diagnosed with in 2014. Now it's the depression. I worry about my children a lot. Even though I'm home, I'm never there. I do my best, but I don't know how to explain it to them; my doctors can't even explain it to me.
In 2016 I was diagnosed with major depressive disorder after another devastating denial by VAC. I haven't been the same. I have no fight left in me. I go through periods when I can't get out of bed for weeks. If I get my children to school on time, my daily goal has been reached.
In 2020, I finally got approved for VIP, but it's not enough. Just last week, I asked for a review of my VIP and my mental health. I received an approximate wait of four months for paperwork. I'm not sure if that's good or bad. It doesn't matter to me. I have supports in place, so I'll see what comes of it.
Chair, I'm here today because I don't want anyone else to feel the way I have felt. I can't understand why an organization that was supposed to take care of me and support me would cause me so much mental trauma. I've had to take breaks from VAC. I burn out, I deteriorate and I end up in crisis from what has felt like a constant stream of negative interactions.
Then after a few months or years, I try again because I understand that I can't do this on my own. VAC is an organization designed by men for men, but I know that there are those out there who are working to make it better. I know there's been a gender-based analysis report that's yet to be released, to my knowledge. Your committee proves to me that people see that there have been serious issues, and I'm hoping that there are more positive changes to come.
Thank you.