Good afternoon, Mr. Chair and honourable members of the standing committee.
My name is Anna-Lisa Rovak. I answered my call to service in my early teens. In 1983, I applied for regular forces at 16 and became basic in 1984 at the age of 17, just after graduating from high school.
To Serve
Identity stripped to a bare soul
Twisted and pressed to fit a single mold
Told how to think and what to wear
Punished for any individuality
Mind and body pushed to the brink of insanity
Soul is empty of pride and self worth
Praised only when obedience is met
Rewarded when orders are fulfilled in silence
Tossed aside when worth is expended
Ignored, belittled by those who still serve
Unless the heart remains a slave
And traditions are followed with no thought
Today, I'm
Searching for identity
Searching for the original me
Searching for a new beginning
Trying to fill the void
Disappear or Reinvent
Sometimes they are the same
I wrote that on February 20, 2022, after my second suicide attempt.
During my career, I wore three uniforms: army, navy and air force. My career included being a part of the first women at Royal Roads Military College, HMCS Annapolis and HMCS Provider, a UN tour to the Golan Heights and being one of the first of firsts in many postings within the Canadian Forces.
I was forced to medically retire on a physical disability. However, I was attending a psychiatrist weekly for over a year prior to my release. At that time, in 2001, there was no such thing as PTSD.
Just prior to release, I applied to Veterans Affairs Canada for a disability award, and there began my experience with VAC. In the past 22 years, I have attempted suicide three times. I have cut myself in ways to release the pain. I have lost contact with my daughters at their insistence, and have gone through two very dysfunctional and damaging personal relationships. I am trying very hard to maintain the relationship I am in right now.
I can honestly say that dealing with VAC has significantly contributed, if not actually caused, more of the more serious mental health events I have experienced in those past 22 years. I have been damaged and affected more than in my military career.
I was part of the sexual misconduct class action lawsuit and received the top amount, with an annotation from the lawyers that they wished they could have awarded me more. I have been, however, diagnosed with complex PTSD due to various situations in my career service.
It has been through the dealings with VAC as a whole, and with case managers and contractors in part, that my mental health has plummeted to the degree that it has.
One of the biggest reasons I am here today is to share that feeling of betrayal, the lack of self-worth and the feelings of abandonment and sheer hopelessness that my relationship with VAC has instilled within me. Without freedom of choice, without clarity or transparency, without consistency or respect to me and, finally, without security of truth, I feel there will be only more and more veterans being reduced in their mental health state to the point of self-harm and suicide, unless there is a change in policy and behaviour at the ministry of veterans affairs.
It is only through multiple courses and programs that I am even able to stand here today. One of those programs will be presented here today, and I cannot stress enough how important it is for a veteran to have a say in his, her or their own care. Why does VAC have the only word in my own care? Why does VAC demand that there are only one or two different types of therapy and discount everything else? Why does VAC treat veterans—especially women veterans—like we are imbeciles or ignorant, or like we are being spoon-fed?
I have suggestions, I have examples and I have personal experiences that I would love to share to propose and refute various forms of mental health care.
Again and again, they promised change. Again and again, I was promised safety. Again and again, I was promised retribution.
But the hands still touch
The words still strike
Blows to the heart, the mind, the soul
But they promised