Mr. Speaker, with our stock markets so volatile these days, here are 10 new definitions for stock market terminology.
Momentum investing: the fine art of buying high and selling low.
Value investing: the art of buying low and selling even lower.
Broker: poorer than you were in 1999.
P/E ratio: the percentage of investors wetting their pants as this market keeps crashing.
Standard and Poor: your life in a nutshell.
Bull market: a random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
Bear market: a 6 month to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewellery and the husband sleeps on the couch.
Stock split: your ex-wife and her lawyer split all your assets equally.
Profit: a religious guy who talks to God.
A 64 cent penny stock: what it now costs a loonie to buy.