Thank you, Mr. Chair and committee members.
Let me begin by saying that I have no licence to speak for business at large. I'm simply a business owner, and I really thank you for the opportunity to speak today about my experiences as a business owner and, more specifically, to speak to my state of mental wellness. Hopefully, my state and my story can bring some light to what others might be feeling as well. It is not something that I've really spoken about before, and certainly not publicly, but the mental health of business owners in 2020 is fragile, I think, and needs to be considered, so this is a great opportunity, and thank you for that.
I'll begin by saying that I am not fine. This is not a cry for help. It's just me being sort of vulnerable and truthful. I'm not fine. There are moments when I'm okay, but truthfully, I float on a spectrum anywhere between okay and completely miserable. That's not a description of my mental state between March and today. That describes me minute to minute, hour to hour and day to day.
Business owners are facing a myriad of emotions based on the ever-changing daily reality. People have their fingers resting squarely on their subconscious panic buttons, ready to push and explode at the smallest of triggers. We have a national heightened readiness for interpersonal conflict, so I'm walking an emotional minefield every day. One wrong word, misstep or misinterpretation risks an explosion of emotions, so we're all a little compassion-fatigued.
When speaking of mental health, the bigger terms that come to mind for me as a non-expert are “anxiety” and “depression”. While these words are sometimes a little too lofty or too clinical, they do, I think, accurately describe the current mental state of many in the small-business world.
Other words are emotional exhaustion, worry, doubt, loneliness, anger, frustration, insecurity and fatigue. These are words that describe the emotional roller coaster that I'm riding every day, and I'm a well-adjusted, well-supported, stoic and strong person. I believe that for a proud person like a business owner, one of the biggest challenges is to admit that times are challenging and to engage in a conversation about these types of feelings, so I believe that the situation is likely understated.
Dealing with my emotions is so low on the triage list right now that I risk spiralling, I think, because the more pressing matters at hand for me are supporting my kids and their now online school reality; sharing my office space with them, so that the time I do have to dedicate to creativity in my business is disrupted; supporting my household both emotionally and financially, such as paying a mortgage without a secure income; and, ensuring that the 30 staff and contractors who depend on my sound business management aren't themselves feeling the brunt of this crisis.
The primary weight of this is carried by me, as the owner, and let the truth be known: I'm only surviving right now due to the generosity of my landlords, a generosity that can't possibly last much longer, which piles further anxiety onto me at an almost suffocating level sometimes.
I see no clear and precise mental health picture that can be painted for this committee, because every corner of our nation and every demographic is facing different challenges and is equipped to deal with those challenges in different ways. I've heard over and over that we're all in the same boat. That is not true. We are in the same storm. Some are in a luxury yacht and others in a rickety and sinking canoe.
The important point to remember, in my view, with all respect to everybody else on the panel, is that this is not an academic exercise. This speaks to real people, real business owners like me, with real thoughts and feelings that I'm thinking and feeling.
My belief is that the best cure for this anxiety that I speak to is information. This has been sorely lacking. It's unclear to me, but it seems likely that biases in today's media are hindering the accuracy of the information reaching the public's consciousness. The burden of fact-checking currently rests in the hands of the populace, so the fact of or the lack of timely and possibly accurate information is the norm.
We've been told that before restrictions can be lifted we need mass vaccinations, but we don't have a timeline for that, so we ready ourselves for continued restrictions and the threat of further lockdowns. We have no cases at our business and no confirmed transmissions, yet we have further lockdowns. Perhaps more subsidy and relief are coming, but when and how much? The information we have is not enough to squelch this underlying anxiety.
All of this leaves me feeling very uncertain for my future, and not my long-term future, but the viability of my business over the coming few months. Do I follow my 10-year capital replacement plan and invest in needed infrastructure upgrades or sink money into repairs until such time as I regain confidence in my cash flow? I don't have enough information or trust in the information that I do have to answer that. At this point, our best prediction, if everything went fully back to normal today and my revenues and expenses returned to pre-COVID levels immediately, is that the borrowing, coupled with lost revenue of 2020, will require a seven-year recovery for us.
I have been applauded in my community over the years for being a generous supporter of local initiatives. I have long believed that business involvement is an integral part of the community fabric. That's not a reality anymore. I don't know when or if it will be again. I am losing my community perspective as I struggle to focus on anything beyond my bank account balance. What are the long-term community ramifications if more businesses are feeling that same pressure? These are the things that bring people together. They provide purpose and satisfaction, and pride in owning a business that makes a difference. Losing this is another trigger for further anxiety and possibly depression.
I have constant and real stress. I am consistently reinventing my business, which takes energy and resources and creates a stressful dynamic for my members and staff, who simply long for stability and job security. My staff and their families are depending on me to make this work. At this point, I have very little confidence that I can.
I need to feel confident that a lockdown is not forthcoming. I need my local, provincial and federal decision-makers to know that our actions and responses as business owners at large are virtuous and seek the right balance between our needs and the needs of the public. I need information, specific timelines and continued recognition of my financial insecurity so that I can regain control of my planning and hopefully mitigate some of the emotional exhaustion I've been suffering for many months. I need the powers who drive the messaging around COVID-19 to acknowledge the damage they've done to my entire industry through their destructive painting of my industry as dangerous, such as the recent misguided targeted measures aimed at restaurants and group fitness, specific to me.
These challenges are immense. The decisions are difficult. I understand that. But we can't come to difficult conclusions without the involvement of us—those who are affected. This hasn't felt like a common practice in 2020. To have this opportunity to speak feels like a step in that direction, and so I thank you for your attention.