Thank you, Mr. Chairman, and members of the committee. Thank you for the opportunity to speak to you today on Bill C-13 and to share with you what my family has experienced over the past five years as a consequence of bullying.
My name is Roy Kempton, and I live east of Cobourg in Northumberland County. In January 2008, I retired after 41 years as a professional engineer and looked forward to my golden years with my poetry and golf.
Seven months into my retirement, my granddaughter, Abigayle Kempton, hung herself in the backyard of her home on Harwood Road, Baltimore, Ontario, two weeks after her 14th birthday. I still feel the chill of that telephone call. Losing my only granddaughter, I lost the focus of a special love that this grandfather and granddaughter shared, and a common passion for writing. Imagine, then, what her parents felt—the emptiness, the second-guessing
Like any family faced with such a traumatic event, we struggled with emotions. We learned from her final letter she had been bullied both verbally and online, and in her words “wanted peace and to be free of the hurting.” She never spoke much about being bullied. We misinterpreted her mood swings as the trials and tribulations of a growing teenager. Knowing now the pain that bullying caused, we are proud that she made the grade 8 honour roll.
She deleted all hurtful messages from her cellphone and her Facebook page. Police told us these could be retrieved. We did not want this. We felt there was nothing to be gained but more pain. We decided to channel our energies on a positive approach, one that would see good things grow from this tragedy. We made our choice in consideration of Abigayle, a sensitive, caring person with a wonderful sense of humour and a hearty laugh.
We learned about the abuse she suffered from friends. Strange to me even yet, those who bullied her admitted to it, leaving a signed note on her grave asking for forgiveness. As one of them, with her mother by her side, spoke to me of her remorse, I realized that there could be victims on both sides of this age-old scourge. She told me that she was responsible for Abi's death. She cried as her mother told me of her suicidal depression and hospitalization. I cried with her and thought, how sad and senseless this all is. She was a child, just like my granddaughter. I did not see a bully, but a sad, pitiful young girl coping with rampant emotions. This was not a time for retribution or justice, or whatever name we want to put on it.
We needed to do something to avoid such a tragedy happening again. We thought of a scholarship in Abi's name at the high school she planned to attend. It became obvious from support of friends and the wider community, we needed to go further. In May 2009, ABI was founded, an anti-bullying initiative using the acronym of her name. She had plans to study animation at college, and one of the characters she came up with is now used to symbolize our program.
Our initiative tries to highlight the tragic consequences of bullying to grade school and high school students. We developed and set up a website and a Facebook page to reach a wider audience. We also publish a newsletter.
Without professional training, but speaking from the heart, we made presentations at grade schools, high schools, churches, local councils and council committees, scout camps, day camps. We met with families in their homes, and dealt one on one with distressed parents and students. We organized rallies to promote awareness. We have been the subject of several local newspaper articles.
This year marks the fifth anniversary of our initiative. At the end of this current school year, we will have presented $15,000 in scholarships to graduating grade 12 students who have shown exceptional leadership in combatting bullying in their schools and the wider community. We also run a grade-school program where we present t-shirts, pins, bracelets, etc. to deserving students selected by school staff. We are currently working with community groups and with school board representatives to have Abi's story introduced to more schools.
In presenting our story we are hoping we can make a difference. We believe that reaching students at an early age is the key to developing better social skills and behaviour. It really begins with family life where respect for others should be taught.
Are we making a difference? Judging by e-mails, letters, and spoken words of encouragement received, the community believes we are. We know that there are groups with programs out there doing tremendous work to nurture kids to live and be taught in a safe environment. We also know that there will always be those who circumvent standards of decent behaviour that may warrant criminal investigation.
As my friend Grahame Woods wrote recently in Northumberland Today:
In the olden days, when I was a kid, the chant de jour in the schoolyard was 'Sticks and stones can break my bones but names will never hurt me.' Oh, how wrong that was. It was a world where communication was by voice, letter, telephone (for some), even morse code. Yes, today we still have the mindless, oral bullying, but the lethal sticks and stones hurtle through the ether at the thoughtless press of Send - irretrievable, wreaking unseen emotional damage until the recipient can take no more.
Be reminded that it is grandparents and parents who put these sticks and stones in the hands of children as mobile devices, Facebook, Twitter, and other social media. Then we scramble to keep our children safe.
Legislation will help but at the end of the day it remains for families to exercise vigilance in a world where we all struggle to keep pace with changing technology. Children should be aware that there are consequences to the misuse of these devices. Regret cannot erase the emotional impact of hurtful words or images sent facelessly at the touch of a button.
I doubt that the events surrounding my granddaughter's death fall under the provisions of Bill C-13. She was bullied by those she once called friends. It was old-fashioned schoolyard torment with a modern technological twist. Notwithstanding, I understand the need for this legislation and believe it can provide protection to those vulnerable to online activity.
Technology can deprive us of peaceful down times. Our love affair with the Internet has unfortunately undermined the very thing we suddenly wish to hold dear when sadly, in some cases, it is often too late. At fourteen, I could escape to a long laneway with high hedges leading to my farmhouse home on a hill surrounded by trees, with no telephone or mailbox. That kind of privacy was from another world, one we can only imagine now.
I hope my presentation today reflects the spirit Abi exhibited in her short but beautiful life. In an imperfect world, if she had dreams of perfection, it surely would have been to be accepted and respected as she was, with flaws and faults we all have. Respect for others is the core of what this initiative is about. It is what this child taught us. It is what we should teach our children.
Thank you.