I'm usually a pretty strong individual. The first day of court they played a 911 call with horrific screams of one of the victims in the background. From that moment on, I was rattled.
When court did end after 10 months, the overwhelming feeling of guilt and isolation that I put between my family and me was absolutely incredible. This case made me very sensitive. I used to make fun of my wife who would cry watching something on TV; I'd be the type to say, “That's just TV.” Now I'm the one crying. It changed me. It made me very sensitive. As for my seeking help, I didn't think I needed it the first day, or the second day, or the third day. After 10 long months of it, my new career broke me and I knew I needed help.
I sought help. My job only gave me a very limited amount so to keep my family together, to keep my sanity together, I pay out of pocket to see a professional for help, and really that's not fair.