Thank you very much.
It is a great honour to be on this panel. I was able to view the earlier testimony and I'm very moved and emotional.
I'm an outreach worker for Ogijiita Pimatiswin Kinamatawin, or OPK Manitoba.
OPK works with and provides wraparound support for indigenous men primarily, but also those who identify as male from any background. Many of the men I work with have spent a considerable amount of time on the street and/or in prison. Both environments exhibit an intense culture of toxic masculinity. This includes presenting as physically dominant, using power and control, and getting your own needs met at the expense of others. This comes from the historical background in our society where boys are taught not to cry, not to show their emotions or ask for help or tell others how they feel, and certainly not to express love for others.
Most of the men I work with were raised as little boys in homes that were fraught with domestic violence. As little boys they were horrified when their mothers were traumatized. They wanted to protect their mother, but felt too small and powerless and were frozen in fear. Unfortunately, as they witnessed this again and again over the years, it became normal. As they reached the teenage years, they began to display the same behaviours as the men they were exposed to.
Men come to me in desperation when they have lost everything. We teach our men they are not to blame for having been taught this toxic masculinity, but are definitely 100% responsible for changing their behaviours. We tell them, you are not responsible for what happened to you, but you are totally responsible for doing something about it.
We run welcoming, open-ended men's groups, where men gather together without judgment. We share a meal, indigenous ceremonies and profound talking circles. We talk about being better fathers, sons, partners, nephews, uncles, etc. We talk about past traumas, substance use and relationships.
These groups welcome everyone, judge no one and often benefit someone. Sessions are extremely organic and natural. We do not subscribe to timelines, PowerPoint, Workbooks or modules or any of that kind of thing. Ultimately, the men heal by being vulnerable and learning from one another. We learn to express ourselves. We learn to ask for help. We learn to show emotions. We learn to cry. We learn to tell others we love them.
Eventually the men embark on giving back to the community in a show of lateral kindness rather than lateral violence. We do safety patrols in neighbourhoods. We help women and children get out of dangerous situations, and we support events that promote the safety and acknowledgement of women, two-spirit and trans people.
On several occasions we've been called upon to sit with an abusive male partner while he watches his family pack up their belongings and leave. We turn to this fellow and tell him, “There's a consequence to your behaviour, and this is it.” We let him know that if there's ever a chance for him to get this family back, he will need to make changes. We invite him to our groups. We tell him, we will work with him.
Meegwetch.