The JPSU didn't exist in my husband's time. It was the SPHL. Being released from the forces back in what I call the “dark days”—I think he got out in 2008—was horrific. SPHL was brought out and the case managers were just kind of feeling their way. It was horrific. I had to do all his paperwork, and nobody—not a case manager, nobody—was going to help me. They almost blocked my way. It was awful.
I wish I could soothe your fears. I told my children that if they went into the military I would disown them, and I'm not joking. I'm not going to watch this again.
I'm sorry, ma'am, but I don't know what to tell you. I'm still living the nightmare. My husband still has PTSD, and I'm alone. I'm dealing with this all by myself.
I have no.... I mean, now we have OSISS for families. We never did before, but now we do, and that's kind of handy, but it's three or four hours away from me. I can pick up the phone, which is nice, which I didn't have before, but my husband was having an episode the other night, and I'm sitting there and I have the two bottles of pills in front of me in case something happens. He's doing great. He's using his tools and he's doing wonderfully, but you don't know, right? Also, we're out in the middle of nowhere. Even our local hospital was closed that weekend. I'm sitting there with those two bottles of pills and watching him, and I'm thinking, “I have no one to call.” I have no psychiatrist. I have no psychologist. We're on our own.
That's been my journey the whole—I'm sorry that I can't swear—way; you know what I was going to say. I survived, and now I try to support other caregivers, but right now in Saskatchewan the veterans are in such desperate need that I advocate for them too. We have to at least get them some help, and then I'll worry about getting the caregivers help.
For me, it's not about the money, but there's a Canadian Air Force $35,000 caregiver allowance that was never offered to me when I had to quit my job and take care of husband when he was in the military. I think that $35,000.... I mean, I don't care if I get the money or not. I'm broke, and I'm never going to be able to work again anyhow, but taking care of my husband works. He's so much better because I'm home and I can intervene before things go bad, right? If he starts getting fixated on something, I distract him with something or we'll go for a walk. I'm good at this now, but this is all self-taught. I don't want women to go through that.
I approached OSISS when I was in Alberta and going through the middle of it in Cold Lake. I approached the OSISS worker there and said that I wanted to start peer support for wives. He said, quote, that “PTSD doesn't exist in the air force”, and he wouldn't even talk to me again. He is now the manager of that district—the manager of that district—so do you want to tell me that things are getting better for veterans? I can quote you in a million ways how they aren't.
I'm sorry, but these guys are blowing smoke up your butts: the Legion, the VAC, the CPAC. You have to get to the truth. I know I'm not supposed to say this, but what have I got to lose? I've been alone the whole way now.