I spent almost 28 years in the service. I started off in the army. I did most of my career in the air force, but spent a little bit of time, 30 months, attached to ships, taking care of Sea King helicopters, so I had a glimpse into all three elements of the Canadian Armed Forces. I'm the father of two, a grandfather of six and a great-grandfather of one.
I was triggered when I read the email requesting volunteers to come and testify about suicide among veterans and serving members. I was triggered, because I am one, and I never told my story—not to my psychiatrist after I was diagnosed with PTSD, not to my family. My wife is my support person. She stayed out in the hall because she didn't want to hear me speak about this.
Several of the people who worked with me and were under me during my career—far too many—have committed suicide, or attempted it. I played sports a lot in my early career, and guys who were fantastic athletes and had families, who had seen or experienced too much, committed suicide. I didn't understand it, and I still don't, even though it was me.
I didn't make an attempt, but I knew how I was going to do it. I had considered it. I'm so grateful for my indigenous ways that helped heal me, for the support of my community. I can't say family—although they knew all about my PTSD, they didn't know about the suicide.
I've watched as the people I worked with and knew throughout my career have become addicted to different drugs as a solution. I believe that maybe if they took a soldier off fentanyl and put them on marijuana...but lots of those soldiers were never marijuana users, and now they're addicted or they have to do it all day long. It didn't fix the problem; it dumbed it down, maybe. That's only how I feel, personally. It's hard, but I think we deserve more help and more information as we're serving, as we go through so many of the tragic things that we experience, which we're not prepared for. The stigma is, “Well, he's taken out of the game—or she—because they're a weakened warrior or don't have the heart to continue.” There was no understanding among our peers or those we worked for.
I feel that there's a certain prejudice to it all, and I believe that only through conversation can we come to a better solution. We may not stop it, but we can slow it down. If we can save one, maybe we can save 100, but we have to get outside this box of throwing money and drugs at the situation, because the numbers are going up, especially in the first nations or indigenous communities.
Thank you.