Good afternoon.
Thank you for the opportunity to speak today.
I am Patrick Fleming, and I served as a juror three years ago in a first-degree murder trial that consumed my life for ten months and beyond. The case, R. v. Pan, involved a young woman, Jennifer Pan, from Markham, Ontario, and four accomplices hired to kill Jennifer’s parents in their family home. I live with daily thoughts of this crime: graphic coroner's photos of bullet holes through flesh, the bloody crime scene, and chilling testimonies. As the foreman, I can still hear and see myself reading the guilty verdict to all the accused. I can still hear the screams of the family and friends of the accused in a packed courtroom as I read their verdicts. When my civic duty was done and I was able to go home to my family and return to my “normal” life I pulled into my driveway and expected feelings of relief to wash over me, but something was different. I did not feel at my place of peace. Something was not right.
This experience made me feel alone. I felt isolated, although I was surrounded by my loved ones. I pulled away from my wife, my family, and my friends, during and after this trial. I could not put into words what I was going through emotionally. I had many confused feelings, thoughts, and horrific visions, during and after this trial. I had to prepare myself to return to my place of work the next day after being away for ten long months. I knew I was in need of help but at that time the courts did not offer any assistance, just a thank you for my civic duty and goodbye. I so desperately needed to talk to a professional, someone who could help me work through my feelings and thoughts. I cannot emphasize enough how strongly I feel that all civilians who are chosen to be a juror should be offered mental health support after a trial has ended.
We need assistance getting back to our “normal” life. We are civilians who did not choose this path for ourselves nor are we trained to deal with this type of situation. Being a juror is a monumental job that has had a major impact on my life. I strongly feel that there is a federal responsibility to provide professional assistance to all jurors, in all provinces. I still endorse and believe that one should do their civic duty but one should not pay out of pocket, as I have, to have access to mental health support for doing their part for their country.
I know an individual who has used the Ontario support program for jurors, and he is very grateful that Ontario offers such a program. It has helped him and his family tremendously, and he has asked me today to thank the government for providing that help and support that he needed.
I have also added two pages of bullet points that summarize some of my experiences of the stress of jury duty. I felt isolated from my family and friends. I would distance myself, and I could not share what I was going through. I had overwhelming feelings of guilt from making such a life-altering decision about the defendants' lives. I felt guilty for not being present for my family emotionally and physically. Feelings of loneliness throughout and after the trial are still hard to manage. I had a hard time trying to push down my emotions. I could not feel empathy or sympathy for these victims. I had to be analytical; I had to deal with only the facts of the case, not the emotions. I accomplished this, but I was left dealing with my own emotions by myself.
Again, I want to thank the committee for inviting me here today and thank all of the members of Parliament who have endorsed our advocacy.