Yes. There is only one simple answer. It's not quite that simple, but it is in a way.
When you are trying to find a new way of being, trying to find that new purpose, you're being told, “Well, if you try to do this, we may cut your benefits off. We're certainly going to claw your benefits back.” When you're challenged with that much more—and I speak primarily about PTSD when I make these comments, just so that's really clear. It is what I researched. It is my primary daily problem. When you're trying to find that new self, trying to find the purpose to be, and you're effectively penalized for trying, that demoralizes someone to begin with.
There is the difficulty of getting back up to pre-injury levels. Especially as reservists, we weren't paid every single day. Our pay was based on when we actually went in, except for the reserve force disability compensation program, which gets really complicated in another way in the last few months of our time in. When you're livelihood is based on how much you're able to work and then you're finally released, and finally you have some level of financial stability, you try to turn around and find a new thing to do, a new you, and that immediately challenges your financial stability. It is a barrier.
There's also a thing on what work even means, and I alluded to it briefly in an earlier side comment. There are a lot of forms of unpaid labour, a lot of volunteer-type work. If you're caught doing that, I do know veterans who have had their benefits cut: “Oh well, if you're good enough to do this, then you're good enough to go back to work.”
I've had this challenge thrown at me about my Ph.D. work. I cannot live off the small little fellowship that I get from U of T. I require my benefits to actually live. Those benefits allow me to focus on my research. With the nature of academic work, especially being a Ph.D. student in anthropology, I don't have set hours. I don't have set things that if I don't show up on a given day I'm at risk of being fired. The nature of that environment is fundamentally different from the labour market.
On top of that, being in social sciences, the previous Harper government made nasty comments that we're not going to “commit sociology”. I don't want to think what they might have said about anthropology. However, the nature of our social science is such that we are much more understanding and accommodating of each other's issues, challenges, and barriers. My PTSD does not directly impact my ability to do academic work. I'm able to do this because I set my own hours. Deadlines are more of a suggestion than a hard requirement.
When I do get the opportunity to teach, I prefer teaching the first and second-year courses. There are a lot of students. I actually get a thrill out of teaching, about lecturing. To be clear, I kind of like doing that. However, if I have a bad day where my demons are biting my ass so hard that I can't even get out of bed, there are colleagues I can turn to and go, “Hey take over for me today. I'll pick up some other day when you want to do that conference. I'll cover for you on that day.” The barriers are not there.
I cannot function in the normal work world. The set times, the requirements, and the constant threat that if you're not meeting a standard you're going to be fired, immediately get the hackles up. One thing that a lot of veterans with PTSD have—almost anyone with PTSD, but especially veterans—is anger, which goes back to our training itself.
That was long-winded. I'm sorry about that.
