Good morning. I would like to thank MP David Yurdiga for sponsoring motion 192, and I'd like to thank this committee for taking the time to study and create recommendations to improve the lives of Canadians living with episodic disabilities such as multiple sclerosis.
My first real experience with MS came at a young age. I remember seeing my neighbour out walking every day. Some days she would be walking perfectly normally, other days with a limp, and some days she had to use a cane. I couldn’t understand it. One day I saw her with the cane, and I asked my parents what had happened to her, whether she'd broken her leg. They told me she had MS. At that time, it didn’t mean much to me, other than that it was something awful that I didn’t really want to think about, so I didn’t. It wasn’t until about 15 years later that I really understood what I saw and what my parents told me. Every day she went for her walk, she made a choice to fight MS. And all those years later, sitting in an emergency room blind in my left eye, I had to make that same choice.
I knew something was very wrong when I began to lose vision in my left eye. It went from soreness to blurriness to blindness, all within a few days. After a visit to an emergency eye specialist, and one more eye specialist after that, the diagnosis was optic neuritis. Optic neuritis is often but not always one of the first symptoms of MS. I was told I needed to get an MRI, but it wouldn't be until three months later. I managed to get on a cancellation list and got an MRI a few weeks later. A few days after the MRI, I saw a neurologist and I was told I have MS. My world has not been the same since.
I had spent so much time hoping for the best but preparing for the worst that, when I finally heard those two letters, I want to say I was ready for it, but I wasn’t. All I could do was think, “What now? What do I do now? What is my life going to look like now?”
Who I am today may not be who I wanted to be, or thought I would be, but I am who I am today because MS changed my path. MS, if you can believe it, has given me many opportunities, like sitting right here in front of you, but it has also come with many struggles—struggles physically, struggles psychologically, and all the struggles that come with having an illness that is not well understood. It took five months for me to fully regain my vision, but other times it’s taken two weeks. MS is often invisible and always incredibly inconsistent.
Many of my struggles with MS have been as a result of other people not understanding it. I get that—MS is so unpredictable. Sometimes, though, this lack of understanding can mean something like the difference between getting a job or not. When I applied to become a police officer, the police service tried to disqualify me because I disclosed my diagnosis. I had to fight to even be allowed to apply. I had to fight at every stage to be the best, and in the end even my best wasn’t good enough. Meeting every single standard, and often far surpassing it, was not enough, all because of the fear of what could happen to me. I was seen as a liability, even when all of my qualifications and test results should have made me be seen as an asset. I was a woman with a criminology degree who had previously worked for both the RCMP and Edmonton Police Service. I was fluent in Polish and had volunteered all my life. But none of this was enough.
It is detrimental to anyone’s quality of life and mental health to want to be productive and contribute to society, to want to use their skills, education and talents, but not be allowed to do so—not because of anything they did, not because of anything they can control, but because there is a chance that they might be temporarily disabled for a short period of time. When I was diagnosed with MS, I really didn’t want anyone to look at me or treat me differently. However, this was out of my control. I want to feel useful; I don’t want to feel like a burden. I’m lucky I have my family to rely on in case I ever need help, but I want to be able to take care of myself.
I am also incredibly fortunate that my current employer didn’t think twice about hiring me, and has not hesitated to keep me. But having MS has forced me to make decisions about jobs that are based on having to play it safe because I need the medical coverage and I need the health benefits. Even if I wanted to take a risk, I couldn't. What if something happens and I can't work for two weeks? How would I pay my mortgage, my car payments, my insurance and everything else? I have previously worked through blurred vision without telling anyone, because I was terrified that I would lose my job before I was permanent.
I pay for everything on my own. I cannot get the proper amount of funding for the physio, massage and exercise that helps keep me healthy and off the $16,000 medications that I qualify for. I have no additional support. I have many hard days when it would be so easy to give up, but I make the choice to fight MS every day.
“Get up, Patrycia. Just get up. All you have to do is get up.” This is almost every morning for me. I am totally exhausted no matter how much I sleep. I have trouble falling asleep because my legs are restless or because I am in pain. You would think the fatigue from working a full day, exercising and volunteering would be enough to knock you out, but even after a long day, I have a difficult time falling asleep.
You may wonder what gets me up. It's knowing that I have somewhere to be, knowing that I have responsibilities and that I have purpose. I can’t imagine if my ability to work were taken away, all because I might need a little extra support. I have fought through fatigue, through tremors, muscle spasms, brain fog, numbness and tingling, unbearable pins and needles, blindness and much more. I can fight through many things, but the fear of the unknown is something that will always be one of the most debilitating symptoms of MS.
The changes as a result of this motion can help make those unknowns much more manageable.
I want you all to think about the last time you did something that scares you. Usually we think of something like skydiving, bungee jumping, roller coasters or touching a spider or a snake. Now, for a moment, I want you to imagine that the scariest thing you have to do is go to bed at night, not knowing if you’re going to be able to see when you wake up, or walk, or speak, or eat or even have the energy to get out of bed. This is the reality for many people living with MS. Waking up each day is an adrenaline rush. Waking up knowing that you will be supported no matter what would make going to sleep at night not nearly as frightening.
I applaud this committee for studying this motion. This will increase awareness of episodic disability in Canada. By viewing the policy and legislation through an episodic disability lens and recommending important changes, we will achieve better equity in the supports for Canadians living with episodic disabilities.
Thank you so much for the opportunity to speak.